Soiling Yourself

Soiling Yourself 

Of late there has been a popular movement towards ethical diets, whereby one abstains from the consumption of animal products on the grounds that it is wrong to impede or end animal life for the sake of sustenance. Those who hold such beliefs often become outright herbivores, and although this gesture is commendable, truthfully, I feel it does not go far enough.

Plants are alive too and a number of scientific studies have shown that they are indeed capable of feeling pain. In light of these findings the violence and degradation visited upon plant life is reprehensible. Many are uprooted from their homes or cut down in their primes, some never even get the chance to grow up at all, think of how many potential lives are snuffed out when people devour plant eggs (nuts) and plant embryos (seeds).

Instead of contributing to the ongoing herbicide I recommend you follow the practices of a new movement called Soiling. The main staple of the Soiling diet is various earths, clays, and sands which provide all the essential minerals and nutrients a human body needs to flourish. Since I’ve made this lifestyle change people are curious to know about my new eating habits; for dinner I like some Sahara sand, it can be a little dry but it goes down a treat with some mineral water, if I’m feeling especially peckish I find a turf is more filling, then for dessert I have either an ice pop or a mud pie.

Try Soiling yourself, while it does take a little getting used to, especially at night, in time you will sleep well knowing you consumed an ethical diet by living off the fat of the land.