Slurred Speech

Slurred Speech

The word bastard isn’t anywhere near the most provocative slur, however due to society’s growing outrage over language use, regardless of intent or context, I for one plan to retire the misbegotten expression from my vocabulary.

Use of bastard in any manner will before long be considered pernicious if not hateful, especially as a record number of filii nullius are brought into the world kicking and screaming. Unwed mothers and fathers, along with their illegitimate spawn, will become incensed upon discovering its use, be it in the media or in general parlance. Petitions, boycotts and internet shaming of the culpable will follow until it becomes recognized hate speech.

I know a lot of you reading this probably think, ‘Johnny, you silly bastard,’ but soon enough you will utter it at your peril; usage will be as offensive as the f-word for homosexuals or the r-word for the intellectually disabled. Who knows, god willing, bastard may very well ascend to the rare heights inhabited by the n-word.